Thursday, April 18, 2013

An Open Letter To The US Congress on Gun Violence

Dear Congress,

Please pass legislation to offer block grants to state and local governments to harden our schools against gun violence. I think that as a start, we need police presence at all schools as well as hardened doors and bulletproof glass on the 1st floor. I don't know why schools can't be at least as well protected as airports. While you're at it, provide money to increase law enforcement budgets so that all illegal weapons charges are properly investigated and prosecuted. This will get both guns and criminals off of the streets.

If you need more money, tax weapons and ammo like you do cigarettes. Please remember to have DHS et al to remit their taxes to this program for the 1.6 billion rounds they bought last year for whatever reason.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Tax Day: Form 1040EZ-LIB

IRS Form 1040EZ-LIB

(an easy Income Tax form for Progressives who want to pay their fair share)

1) Enter your W-2 Wage income:

2) Enter your 1099 Interest/Dividend income:

3) Enter your capital gains income:

4) Enter any other income (see note A):

5) Sum lines 1-4, this is your total income:

6) See Table A and enter multiplication factor:

7) Multiply Line 5 by line 6, this is your tax due:

8) Enter total taxes witheld by employer:

9) Enter total quarterly tax payments made:

10) Sum Lines 8 and 9, this is the tax you paid:

11) Subtract line 10 from line 7:

12) If Line 11 is negative, see note B; if positive, see note C; if zero, see note D

Table 1: Factor Single Married/Joint

0.1: $ 1-$8,700 $1-$17,400

0.15 $8,701-$35,350 $17,401-$70,700

0.25 $35,351-$85,650 $70,701-$142,700

0.28 $85,651-$178,650 $142,701-$217,450

0.33 $178,651-$388,350 $217,451-$388,350

0.35 over $388,350 over $388,350

Note A: Be honest! Hungry children are depending on you.

Note B: You have over paid your taxes and are a noble citizen! Thank your for your kind donation to your government. Rest assured that these funds will be put the best possible use.

Note C: You should be ashamed! Underpayment of your taxes most likely caused some poor child go go hungry last night. Write a check to the US Treasury immediately! To help cope with the guilt you should feel, add a bit extra to the check.

Note D: You nailed it, but we are watching you!